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Living Up to The Latest Mental Health Trend is Making Me Sick
These are the raw confessions of the growing pains I experience as I learn software engineering. I am learning on my own but with lots of priceless resources online. You'll hear about these resources in my articles. Please pray for me!
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I am really feeling good right now! I am most certainly still a novice, but I am finally understanding how Javascript operates. I can not explain to you how clueless I was about coding! I was lost and the only thing I could do was pick away at my key...
4am, that's what time I work in the morning, its 8:49pm and I am still working. Hitting this keyboard is like eating Snickers ice cream with whipped cream on top. I'll rate this day a 10, but that's because I realized anxiety won't magically get my laundry done. As a matter of fact, a pile of clothes, is on my kitchen floor right now, yes, I said the kitchen floor. I've been washing small loads on the go, enough to last 3 or 4 days. Doing laundry this way isn't perfect, but it's the compromise I make with myself to get my freelancing business running.
Work-life balance says stop what I am doing, and get to the housework. Finish writing tomorrow, but I say "If I want my business up and running, get crackin.'
I am 51 years old, and I still have dreams! I closed my hair salon to sell hair products from home. But my idea took on a life of its own. I caught this coding bug and now building websites is driving my desire.
Oh yea, did I mention, I don't know how to code. I am learning how to do the business, as I get this thing going. This is a ton of work, most nights I sleep 3 or 4 hours.
I love the challenge, I look forward to getting up, almost everyday. But sometimes I get so scared, I tremble because I am uncertain myself. Those moments usually involve discouraging voices in my head. voices filled with excuses and blame, wanting to undermine everything I am building. I've gotta dig deep and encourage myself during these mental rants.
If I continued listening to those paralyzing voices or obsessed about what others think is living well, I would dishonor my voice. I tuned it out for years, and I was miserable. My voice cries deep within, it yearns to express itself. I wasted years doing what others thought was right for me. I'am going to live for my dreams now.
This of course means work-life balance isn't always attainable. I am cool with that. It's 10:07pm and I am still working...