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Learning to Listen to The Universe
These are the raw confessions of the growing pains I experience as I learn software engineering. I am learning on my own but with lots of priceless resources online. You'll hear about these resources in my articles. Please pray for me!
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I am really feeling good right now! I am most certainly still a novice, but I am finally understanding how Javascript operates. I can not explain to you how clueless I was about coding! I was lost and the only thing I could do was pick away at my key...
I read a Tweet that said, "I am staying at a luxury hotel, it has 9-stories and they don't have any keys. They had to walk me to my door twice."
I almost responded to this Tweet with sarcasm, but then I started thinking of my own life.
I have created a life for myself that allows me to pursue my dreams with vigor. But sometimes this is a lonely journey.
I feel myself in the place that I left so many years ago. Sometimes I feel the taunting of strangers around me, as they seem to mock me by living the best of what I am warmly experiencing in my mind. My imagination is so clear and vivid, it looks real. And people doing the very things I imagine is like watching my life on television.
So when I see someone doing the very things I just imagined in my mind, it hurts and makes me want the human feel of it in my life immediately. I used to give up on my dreams because it seemed like such a slap in the face to see others do what I am imagining in real-time. But this time I am not changing my course, I am going to figure this shit out.
Other times, I experience the real good vibrations of my thoughts in reality, but it is just as fleeting as the pain. And it seldom ends with the promise of my dream lover holding me when I am thinking of his warm embrace. But this time, I am not running away from the pleasure either. I used to run from it because I didn't want to feel the emptiness of having to move on to the next destination. I want to keep these warm, wonderful times with me forever.
I guess the main takeaway is I have created this life I live and I am blessed because it affords me the luxury of further shaping the beauty I desire.
I don't have all the answers yet...I don't know what these fleeting moments of warmth that strongly contrast with the moments of pain are wanting to explain to me. Is God preparing me? Is it hell itself? Is it consciousness unfolding? Is it the shit I haven't fixed needling me to medicate it?
I love that I have the grace in my life to figure these things out. However, I don't like feeling pain, because I feel so deeply and I don't like the fleeting moments of love because I want to hold them forever.
My long-term goals are exposing a lot of shit about me. I am learning to make the most of these temporary moments. I wish the things that I wanted afforded me more time for love, I guess it's the price I have to pay...
Well, I'll continue to create and this time I won't give up on myself. Life is sometimes a mysterious journey that doesn't make sense. But I am listening and gratefully embrace the answers. Because getting an answer means I can fix the problem, if indeed there is one.
I am willing to let the things I want expose everything that needs to be cultivated.
And with these words, I bid you...
Good night or Good morning